I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i think i just lost a toe
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
