I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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