3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
