Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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