I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
