he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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