I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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