Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
