my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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