I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
