:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
