somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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