No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
