She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
