I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
