Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
