as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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