Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
