6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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