Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
