dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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