It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
