Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
