So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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