I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
