I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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