There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
