I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
