The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize