I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
