hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
