I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
