You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
