I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You made out with two different species that night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
