Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
