i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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