Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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