Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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