sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so let's talk penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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