She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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