went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
