i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
