i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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