John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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