The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
