After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
