On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
