and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
