The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
