Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
