So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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