New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
