return my video game
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
