when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The power of my boobs compel you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
