Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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