if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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