Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
