His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
