she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
