Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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