today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My ass is underappreciated
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
