Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
