In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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