Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
