Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
