The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
