It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
