need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
