She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize