You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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