Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
