is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
