When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
