I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
